AbSolUt HaVen

The Army

2005-03-27T11:38:00.000+08:00

A place for your muscles to grow. A place for you to get a nice tan. A place to pick up new skills. A place to meet more frens. A place to take orders. A place to become a man. A place to learn vulgarities.

All that we heard about sgts and vulgarities is soooo true... an example for you... "F*cking recruits, f*cking hell wake up your Ch** by* idea, f*cking hell only recruits, you wanna f*cking knock it down for me you mother sons?" yup something like that... but there is more...

POP was two weeks ago... my first three months in Special Warfare Tactic School was adventurous and a really fulfilling one. Expectations were high, standards even higher but my platoon made all the shit worthwhile. its about another 6 months or so to my red beret.. a long way to go.. lots of more crap up ahead.

what im really looking forward to is the airborne course that will start on monday!!! exciting lah! and then the following week will be our first jumpon the 5th of april. thats the whole point of becoming a commando.. jumping out of the place will be the experience of a lifetime.. until i have first hand experience on it, i shall not elaborate too much on it.

army is a damn good place to retarding us... making us dumb... cos all that we do is take orders and follow them obediently.. WE BETTER OR ELSE HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE! cut the story short... refer to www.suffian.blogspot.com there you can find more on the army... im just way too lazy and too tired... no time ah!!!

BYE!~!

Too LIttLe TimE

2005-01-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

by friday i will begin my journey to become a man... wtf believe it or not.. army is here for me! they are calling out to me! cmpb even sent me a reminder last week to report!

so many frens to meet... so little time... needless to say... i still wan lotsa time with my baby... okie how to plan... hmmm.... can i skip ns?!?! right now i aint feeling too well... aint complaining cos i didnt have enough sleep last week... having fun with my frens and all..

im gonna miss everything!!! okie im gonna keep it short.... rushing out now to meet krys... bye everyone... hopefully when i book out two weeks from the 7 jan 2005 i have lotsa to talk about...

thank you frens who have always been here and giving me great fun... and thanks darling for all the shit u had to put up with :)

take care all... ciaoz..

Fond MemOries

2004-12-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

jc is over... cant say i was the most hardworking student in sajc.. in fact being hardworking was like the last thing i did at all... o3S77 started with a blast... along the way it got kinda bumpy... and we drifted... the bond that i will always cherish is the one i have with the guys... the satays... the panties... the crazies... we are the coolest... forever arranging soccer and all... okie let me get straight to the point... i will miss my two years in jc... i shall list them down...

1) 03s73.. 1st intake
2) 3B1K
3) the best buds during the first three months
4) 03s77
5)collabro
6) v nought
7) guy's rapping
8) our girls bitchiness (no offence but its COOOLLLLL)
9)getting into trouble for hair and pants
10) courtship with my babe ;)
11) every pe lesson is soccer for guys
12) the pok pok sessions
13) fuck too many...
14) fuck its over
15) fuck good luck guys... good luck girls... i will miss everyone...
16) okie people feel free to view my prom pics...

night

F.U.C.K

2004-12-02T01:08:00.000+08:00

you held me too tight
you held me too long
you groomed me too right
you taught me lots
now its fucking wrong

let me go
let me fly
set me free
i aint your puppet no more
give me a break

eh wateva lah... life is not easy.... im tasting it bit by bit.... the reality of life... no mroe a student... im actually working to try to earn some extra cash... i'll do anything... as long as the cash flows in... of cos im not so dumb to just settle for 9 bucks a day. i'm not even at the main course of life and im sick of it... i cant even do wat i wan without money... and for now.. I DON HAVE MONEY... fuck it...

PhObiA 14!!!!!

2004-11-30T23:42:00.000+08:00

though u two maybe from mandarin high.... u are seriously dumb and childish... thank me for helping u earn an extra 7 bucks compared to your miserable 2 bucks a day... i know im your saint... but sorry god didnt send me to help u... thank you very much... ONE DAY IS ENOUGH...

behind every door is an opportunity to earn some cash... still NOOOOOO... u have to choose which door u prefer to open... thanks pal but u seriously are dumb... the whole day... all u could talk about was getting a scholarship and meeting the girl u like... DUDE... GET A LIFE... who gives a fuck about scholarships?!?! so u have the brains for the books... errr i think thats all your brain will ever be good for!

as for you CK.... enjoyed the day with u... u will go far... bball rox!! (i think so lah)

anyway... after the horrible afternoon... met krys at je supposedly for an interview but i was too late for it anyway.... we headed to plaza for sushi and to pay my bills! hahaha.... a nice way to end of the day of cos :) wat else but with her? huh huh huh? we are going shopping tmr... prom is coming... kinda sucks cos everything is not ready...

apparently someone is gonna call me up for a beer survey and pay me 30 bucks to drink for them... how cool is that? u get paid for something u like....

life cant get better than this man ...~!~!

Horrible

2004-11-28T02:33:00.000+08:00

today started off well... busting my ass in the gym with halim... its been so long since i worked out!

then things started to turn for the worse... basically... my bro is now lying in hospital with a very high fever... i got a job and am going for another interview tmr morning... yesh i've become a big time partime salesman... NEXT WEEK NO CLUBBING EXCEPT FRIDAY NIGHT! oh man... oh man... oh man... AHHHH WEEEIIII AHHHHH!!!!! wwwwweeeeee mmmmmuuuuuusssssssttttttt cccccccclllllllluuuuuuuubbbbbbb on tuesday!!!! call the gang!

anyway town is like all too familiar alr... everyday i've been in town... except for today... super fookingly boring...

oh yesh oh yesh.... cheesy pick up lines!!

1) "hi lady... how would u like your eggs done? fertilised?"
2) "is your father a baker? cos he make great buns!"
3) and many more.. thank you very much...

by now u can tell im really super bored.... even my entry is BBBOOOORRRIINNNGGG... sorry to whoever is reading... but hey! do i care? HAHAHAHAHHA

okie i need some suggestions... for prom... should i wear a suit... or a mandarin collar top? PLS GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS PEOPLE!

i'll see all of u at prom... dress nicely... get ready your cams... wax those hair... perm and curl them wateva... yeah ye agood nite

The Smell Of it

2004-11-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

im gonna really sound dumb but HELL YEAH THE AIR WAS GREAT AFTER MY LAST PAPER! freedom... finally.... i've longed for so long... i've got it! two years of college is over... just like that poof!

ms tan gave us a wonderful treat at seoul garden... though it was girls and guys separated(again).. i still had fun... we guys were just comfortable with ourselves... discussing future plans and ambitions! zat cooked chicken with egg for me... tasted not bad. i tried cracking the egg with one hand.. hahahahaha... disaster!! (eh i used to be able to do it ok!?) anyway after lunch was over... we headed to watch a movie... THE INCREDIBLES! it was incredibly solid... hilarious... i enjoyed it totally.

so far.. two days of doing the same stuff... hanging at orchard i need some excitement! and to top it all off... prom is next week and i have yet to find the suitable suit i wanna wear... nabeh... life sucks after a levels... no aims... no goals... and no motivation... it used to be the i-have-to-study-everyday thingy... and out of our busy studying schedule... i steal sometime to realc and enjoy... actually a hell lots of time! hahaha send me back to school without the exams!

anw... after a levels.... wats up next for singaporean jc boys? OH ARMY RIGHT?! at least one positive thing about it is that i get a shot at pilot... scary... my tummy feels funny when i try to imagine myself as a recruit... i have no control over anything... seriously nothing... except how i wan the army's toilet floor scrubbed...

get a job... see ah... holiday so long... i wanna party i wanna enjoy... i need $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.... this world is so fucking realistic... especially singapore... everything is so expensive... just two days and my pocket feels the pinch alr... we have nothing to do in singapore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okie so friday im going for a job interview... neat... wats next ah? oh yeah tanning... and getting my stamina back... 20 mins of soccer and i felt like my lungs were gonna die on me or something... i didnt have enough air... knn...

okie hungry liao... tmr im going to look for my suit
yes well done!

Two more weeks...

2004-11-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

its gonna be over very soon!! two more weeks... and bye bye to studying for the next two years... wooohooo... okie but recently ii've just been sick sick sick.. i had to stuck tissue in my mose to concentrate on maths paper lah ...f*ck man... it was running like no ones business lah... like HELLO! I HAVE THREE HOURS TO FINISH 15 QNS!!!

one thing to look forward to is definitely the partying... late nights... no studies... no school... no MISS K OR MISS KANG! no need to run away for having my pants to low or hair too brown... basically... no more school and fun fun fun FREEDOM! ooohh~ i just love that word..

a few people i would like to thank... firstly... mrs teo! one of the best pe teacher and absolutely undoubtly the best TENNIS TEACHER! yes wherever you are... thanks for the guidance and effort in trying to get us into shape for the tournament :) lets see... ms tan for looking out for students like me! worrying for us and all... mr wong for the nice chocolates and always telling us how much he loves s77... okie lah .... maybe eugene chan for getting me into the college...

hahaha... and before i leave sajc... i wanna xia lan the library teacher... not like i've never done so before... but im gonna make her pay back twice for the times she bullied my frens!! :p hahaha... kk .... sleep nite

IT'S HERE!!

2004-10-30T21:43:00.000+08:00

SOOOOO FULLLLL!!! just had pizza.... yum yum yum *coughs* oh yes and im down with a bad throat and cough... but who cares?!?!?! my tummy comes first! muahaha...

as requested by busty fiesty nic... im updating my horribly outdated blog... muahaha...

i'll be back after 22 nov... cos a levels here alr.... im so fooking screwed.... im so fucking scared... yes... alr had chem pract and it was a disaster... i mean fookie cambridge.... they didnt have to try and kill us right?!?!?! it was harder then prelims lah! -_-

ok ok.... done... im gonna shower and do maths.... muahahahaha.... muahahahha... 3 dec... is prom... im looking forward to that one...

oh and im going army on 7 jan 2005!!!!! a botak no life bugger... horrible fate *shakes head* first a levels ... then army... wats next?!?!?! >.<

and finally... two years in sajc is almost up... alr had my graduation assembly... the only thing left next is prom... and yes... my college days are over... took lotsa pic on grad assembly... click on the link and have a look! hahaha... thanks everyone!
http://client.webshots.com/user/ruff170703

LonG

2004-09-25T15:29:00.000+08:00

it's been a really long week... got back most of my results.. and the final verdict? i gotta study much harder than i had... muahahaha.... study study study fuck moe lah... fuck singapore man... fuck the whole world... do we really need a cert to survive in this world? so wat if our results suck to the core? so wat if my brains cant memorise formulas as well as u nerdies?! does that mean i'll stop existing in this world? or does it mean that i'll just ben condemned to sweeping the floor for the rest of my life? well to hell with all the fucked up education system... to hell with school ranking and a levels!!! fuck it all! im not going to study... i'll just flop my A's and i aint gonna sweep the floor or drive a taxi... how much stress can one take man?! we have to chill.. relac... slack... enjoy... and be happy...

ok after all that has been said... im gonna study now... have to get a cert man... hahahahahaha ..... all that i've written earlier? just bullshit lah... study lah fuck... still hanging around here for wat?

like fuck yooo... i haven been using much vulgarities recently.. now that my whole mouth is full of it again... it feels damn TA MA DE weird o.0 weird right? nabei...

-i'll be less vulgar the next time ;)-

17

2004-09-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

17th of every month is a day i will not forget... anyway i remember my fren once asking me... "how do u celebrate my anniversary with my gf?" and i rmb telling her this "showering her wit love everyday is the celebration of our love." did that come out from my mouth? yes it did.

timing is never right... it's always either too late or too early... errr... ok i don think i wanna talk about life and timing... hahaha

YESTERDAY.. was a great day... i woke up late in the morning, in the end suff had to wait 40 mins for me... lol... can lah malays are quite patient... so we had breakfast and headed down to sentosa with brenda... we intended to get tanned lah... the bus journey was really dumb... suff was like a little kid getting amazed at almost everything! even the butterfly park! hahaha... cool huh?

at the beach we started building our own turtle... it looked damn real lah but after that brenda and i accidentally stepped on it... muahahaha -evil- left the beach at one soemthing cos suff was getting bored and the sun kinda went down... so heck...

went home shower changed and met bren for a late lunch... and yes i got a really pleasant gift from krys... anyway after makan we met up with ed irwan and cheryl.. haha cool lah... we checked out some guitar and we didn't know wat to do... ed suggested pool so we headed down to kiliney road... that place is dirt cheap lah... compared to the other places around town... haha...

kk then rushed for tuition... basically i was very late for tuition... kk and right now im getting bored.. kk im fucking out of here.... kk those of u reading this... fuck fuck fuck... MUAHAHAHA... i haven said that word in ages man... FUCK DUDE!! yoooo~

Happy enDinG?

2004-09-16T19:53:00.000+08:00

Prelims are FINALLLYYYY OVER!! oh boy has it been a real struggle (for me at least lah). chem paper today started off well with question one being relatively easy... so u think everyday sunday? question 3 was where is all started... a little thinking and BANG! question 4... wooo la la.. ok to hell with prelims alr...

had a great game of soccer in school and tmr its down to the beach! i hope it doesnt rain... past few days have been horrible... the afternoons have been damn gloomy lah... PLEASE SHINE!! =D

Happy ending? can it always be happy ending? every ending bring emotions... hmmm... there are too many thing happening that i nv ever meant for... seriously... happy ending... its better this way =D

im tired... gonna have dinner...

BACK!

2004-09-10T02:23:00.000+08:00

im back... happier and cooler than before... eh im cool k! hehehe...

mum checked us in mandarin hotel for one night ytd and i invited jie hua over the bust our asses at the gym! lol... we worked pretty hard... and we ended up in the jacuzzi pool and sauna... then he made a comment.. "tis is how people enjoy life man... i swear" oh thanks bro... hahaha that made me worried lah ... next week is our prelims and we are like celebrating the end of it alr lah! lol we rock dude... haha....

had buffet dinner at negara... we just kept going and going... OBVIOUSLY jie hua always eats more than me lah which explains his bigger muscles and stronger arms o.0... :p im skinny lah! lol

back at the hotel mum and i headed for the bar lah... 11pm and she was still on for it... surprise surprise... anyway... i prefer her this way... much cooler and relax lah... all i had was alcoholic drinks... one after another... even vodka pure shot and she didnt nag... phew? yeah then bands were playing and drop dead on my bed when i got back... kk

shiart i was intending to write a really long entry after my long brk from bloggin... cannot make it... im old...

to sum up today... had a nice time tanning... and a great time studying in school with cheryl... she had to run away from silas lah! actually if not for me she wouldnt have ran... and if not for me... she wouldnt have been so lucky too :p kk nite nite...

Cooling off

2004-09-04T19:50:00.000+08:00

ok a big thanks to all who are always there for me... and a big thanks to nic for reminding me that love is not calculative... if lots of u don know by now... im a fooker who loses my temper like hell easy... muahahaha it doesnt really last nowadays so good news?

kk im chilling for a few days and im not gonna blog...

GET THE HELL OUT!

2004-09-04T01:32:00.000+08:00

SOME PEOPLE JUS RMB BEING THE VICTIM! and after u simply threw it away TOO MANY TIMES... u wan it back? ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!! wat the hell have u tried except to fucking cry and beg?! it's okie... im the fucking fool to exhaust my weeks of pocket money to give u something u didnt even bother taking a look at it... and now u make yourself SOUND LIKE THE VICTIM?! oh u poor soul... seriously... u poor soul...

its like u put all your effort into baking a cake.. day and nite... day and nite... weeks... and weeks of allowance... surviving on your fren's food and their pity... and all u get was a no no... the cake was just smashed onto the floor... gone... GONE WITH THE WIND...

when u fall so hard... u stand up strong... this time very much stronger... there is nothing that can stop u... u see things clearer... your frens tell u things they did not dare to say before... but now when they do... u see it their way and agree... love is blind... it blinds u from everything...

enough... im tired... just get out... to hell with everything... the bad guy is me... the poor victim being bullied and stepped on by me... AWWWWW.... so poooooorrrr thing... its okie.... ANJING WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!!! WOOF WOOF!! lol

-_-

2004-09-01T12:29:00.000+08:00

Happy Teacher's day!! yesterday was a great day.. went to school in the morning to catch the performance put up by the j1s... and the MCs were damn funny lah... ok the chinese guy was not... but the BLACK was hilarious lah... had a good time laughing. can u guys imagine it? CASEY LEONG ACTUALLY WON THE BEST DRESS AWARD!! like wtf yooooo.... a fucking g*y won the best dress award... wat do they see in him man? oh oh i know his coloured hair and tight pants right? his hair is spikey+ coloured and he has the cheek to lecture students about their hair... lead by example you fag. its such a waste cos mr david wong got nominated but not enough votes... sajc j1s(ok some.. not all) are definitely BLIND DICKS!

ok and here comes the bigger surprise... MRS KANG WON THE BEST DRESS FOR FEMALES!! HOOOOLLLLYYYY MOOOLLYYYY.... okie she is worse lah .... like no style... no elegance... no looks... no beauty... no figure... AND NO AGE! not that i have anything against old ladies... there are those who are still able to loook good... but not mrs kang!! she is like WOW OVER THE MOUNTAINS!! i prefer to stare at orang utans than HER! *pukes*

anyway spent most of the afternoon doing some really serious mugging for my chem paper one on friday... seriously studying man... no play no fooling around... =D and the biggest surprise came at 6.30 lah... this silly dink dink came back to school just to surprise me with her turn up.. o.0 surprised i was man! haha... it was sweet lah :)

today is just study study study... and now darius is like tempting me to play pool later man! cheebong that means i don wanna have my tuition now!! hahaha... how ah? hmmmmm... lanxi is suggesting that i study while i play pool... ooohhh GOOD IDEA.. (not!) onani neh~~ ok ok... so prelims... pool... hmmm... how about study first then pool then come back and study... ALAMAK RAPHAEL! see how things can all be planned very nicely if i try? chey... isnt a planner ah... =p kk im smsing my tuition teacher... "its teacher's day so pls take a brk! thank you and see you" =D

hmmmm...

2004-08-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

slept late... woke up late for tuition! haha wats new? -shrugs- then went out for lunch... followed by a drum practice session at darius's house... chilled... went to buy cd writer... and played pool with darius and bro... today was a relaxed day lah... i kinda enjoyed dinner cos the food was just yum! hahaha... ah meng is a really good place to eat!

so who predicts the kinda of treatment we deserve from our frens or foe or family? i really cannot answer that... some people are just bastards and some are just bitches... but if u think they are really bitches and bastards? then u can be so wrong... you may hate that person a lot... but to me... that person is someone special...

confidence lost... emptiness in the heart... soul? i guess its the worse one can ever experience right?! definitely true! there are times when i actually doubt myself too... when i hated the way i was... but stand up... a toddler learns to stand up... and then he learns to walk... he stumbles... but he tries again...

for the rest of our lives... is it gonna be smooth? hahaha fantasy world ah? stop thinking like a malay lah... reality is harsh... when we fall... stand up and walk again!!!!! =D the best thing to have is someone to walk the path with you.. be it a close fren... siblings and even parents! they believe in you thats why they walk with you... so believe in yourself and trust in their faith for you... you can do it :D

Open Arms

2004-08-28T11:05:00.000+08:00

okie.. im sick of the basket case on my blog alr... its been too long! the following week... i need to relax man... its getting too stressful for everyone... hence the reason why i put up the song "rmb me this way"... those love birds out there... treasure each other yah?! stressful right now it is... and its just gonna get worse! so just show constant care and concern plus all the sayang sayang ya? hahaha... im sure u know wat im talking about ;)

those of u singles out there... just relax to the song... no punk rock for a while... take care people =)

sCaRy

2004-08-28T10:21:00.000+08:00

this picture was taken during tuition... doesnt it looked scary? it spooked selina and i out man! it isnt a pic of our face with effects done to it... we were shaking pur h/p's cam in front of the neoprint and took random shots... THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT EITHER OF OUR FACES COS OF THE WAY WE WERE SHAKING OUR PHONE... DEFINITELY NOT OUT FACE... scary ah right? this is like the chi's ghost month sial....

had a great sleep and woke up feeling great yesterday.. then i headed off to school to study!! yesh i realy was studying... i covered the chapters on groups =) cheryl joined me during her breaks.. yeah thats the only time i rested from studies k! lol... okie then at 5 i was at the hall with felicia allison and cheryl... omg man... put the three of them together and u are like watching a comedy show!! felicia is like drama queen lah...

OH JAC CHAN!! IF U EVER READ THIS ENTRY...HAHAHAHA I KNOW HOW DUMB U WERE IN SEC TWO!!! CLIMBING ABOVE THE TABLE TO EAT YOUR CURRY AND U ACTUALLY FELL!!! DUMB DUMB!!

anyway i slept pretty late this morning... slept at 3 plus... two frens of mine... yeah couple... they were fighting lah... so me worried mah cos i was like talking to both of them... they are one of my bestest frens! of cos i was worried :p anyway they finally called each other to trash things out and at 3 i heard the good news :D GOOD! helped brenda with the music on her blog and now her blog is like SOLID AH!! thanks to the ah beng writing this entry... =P

ENJOY BASKET CASE ONE LAST TIME B4 I CHANGE IT!

2004-08-27T18:24:00.000+08:00

"Basket Case"

Do you have the time

To listen to me whine?

About nothing and everything

all at onceI am one of the those

Melodramatic fools

Neurotic to the bone

No doubt about it

Sometimes I give myself the creeps

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

It all keeps adding up

I think I'm cracking up

Am I just paranoid?

I'm just stoned

I went to a shrink

To analyze my dreams

She says it's lack of sex

that's bringing me down

I went to a whore

He said my life's a bore

So quit my whining cause

it's bringing her down

Sometimes I give myself the creeps

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

It all keeps adding up

I think I'm cracking up

Am I just paranoid?

Uh,yuh,yuh,ya

Grasping to control

So I better hold on

Sometimes I give myself the creeps

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

It all keeps adding up

I think I'm cracking up

Am I just paranoid?

I'm just stoned

KISS MY ASS!

2004-08-27T09:19:00.000+08:00

maths paper was a load of crap man... a simple careless mistake cost me a whole 12 marks!! and more and more and more... bottom line... lets just fuck the maths paper and talk about some other stuff lah...

cheow told us the nite before to bring pe kit to play soccer after the paper... glad he organised the soccer game man... it was a good way to get rid of all the stress... bloody maths paper... oh and luckily the school will not see our parents if we fail our prelims... haha PHEW! anyway we played till about 6.45...

rested for a while and left school with cher... oh yes... lydia was being nice ah... she made a card for us and she gave us a packet of sweets to help us with our stress... so nice right? DON USUALLY EXPECT THAT FROM A MINAH... then again she is a popper lah hahahaha...

its been lots of studying this week PLUS lots of tots running thru my head... and basically the old ruff is not coming back... well as in the wild ruff who plays and dares to chiong without caring too much about responsibility and authorities... thats the ruff no more... i still love to go all out and have my own fun...and have wat i want... but this time i consider about wat i have to answer to and u know... sial... wateva lah...

i haven had much of oldies this week... i haven listened to much music this week actually... and im craving for some now ah!! nvm :) im going to school and study now lah... cant stay at home... see wat happens when i stay at home? i'll come online... not unless i have papers the following day... but now i have like one week of study break im gonna make full use of it and study!! anywhere but at home! =p

22 august

2004-08-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

simple... today is my bro's bday... I FORGOT... i didnt get him a pressie... went for a long lunch... now im full... explains my lazy entry... i'll treat him ice cream... must study.. prelims next week...

Wat a day..

2004-08-21T00:25:00.000+08:00

its been a LLOOONNNNGGGG DDAAAAYYYY... first i was late for school... wats new? at least i got my hair cut! hahaha... then it was 3 periods of pe... which means we played 2.5 hours of soccer... and now my ankle is badly hurt... well at least i think it is... i hurt it last week playing soccer.... this week... i hecked the pain and pushed on and enjoyed the game... by the end of the game... the pain was gone but my ankle went totally NUMB!!! i could move my foot!! wa lau so i've been limping weirdly with my right foot hanging from my leg... hanging man! :p

okie wait i don think thats the highlight of the day.... suff has to always steal the limelight man... hahahaha here goes.... LOOK AT THE PIC PEOPLE!!!

this is soooooo dirttttyyy... not my fault ah.... my ankle is hurt today so i couldnt possibly climb so high to take a shot of him supposedly 'showering' right suff right... showering right? wat do u think it looks like he's doing?! hahahaha....

skipped chem lect and cher dropped by for a while before heading for gp... she just dropped flat onto the table lah! poor girl sia.... pw sucks!!! its draining all the jc1s... especially the editors... haha eerrr sorry cheng min and shu hui... NOW i know =p

anyway went to have the topless 5 at swensens with the mats jamie and mus... and some other mat... lol it turned out a joke ah.... when the ice cream came we all just didnt know which is whose cos the flavours were all different... oh well... im tired lah...

after that we went Bk to study with bren... everyone left after a while cos they were too tired to study.. so left brenda and i... i fell asleep =p... so only bren studied haha...

oh AND BOSS OF SAJC CAUGHT ME FOR MY PANTS AGAIN!! the whole teachers table were making fun of me thanks... oh well.... :p

~old ruff no more~

Gangsta boy

2004-08-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

let me recall... two days ago i was caught for my hair.... yesterday i was once again caught and given a last warning... k so i went to cut my hair and went to school today looking guai-er... well well well... wat better way to start the day with MY PRINCIPAL (boss of sajc) catching me for my pants... so i was cool... she smiled i smiled back.. and then boom... she told me to go toilet and pull my pants up... i did... and then she sent me back again... i did... AND THEN AGAIN! FINE!! ALL THE WAY UP IT WENT -ROLLS EYES- hahahaha.... how good can my luck be huh?

these few days have just been studying.. having cheryl as a really ncie company and providing me with oldies... my fav songs! prelims are just a few days away im going to study... so ya bug off my blog... nothing interesting to read :p

Good Old Days

2004-08-17T21:19:00.000+08:00

its been a long while that i actually sat down and enjoyed a whole afternoon of oldies... they are just one of my fav... no doubt about it.. the past year... it was more of rock... pop... punk... heavy... and of cos those jiwang love songs...

oldies are light... simple.. and yet emotional!! one song expresses the simple love we feel inside.. life is really getting complicated sial... relak and chill one corner listen to oldies sial...
thanks for bringing part of me back :D okie satay~

i didnt get my haircut... so hopefully tmr they don call for me and give me a spot check... cos if thats the case i will really be dead man!!! seriously... ms k will just sit on my and flatten my sorry A**... haha...

WHAT THE HELL?!

2004-08-17T12:48:00.000+08:00

here i am in my school library bloggin... AND its gp lesson... ho ho ho... we are suppose to read mags and do some dumb write up on it... pls... u give me a com and u expect me to actually diligently surf www.time.com and read their articles? not in a million years.. well not unless helen goh is right behind me... BUT SHE IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND... u know wat that means? means im gonna be here writin some dumb shit to kill my boredom ah...

okie seriously... last nite i tot i lost my prelims timetable... i searched my whole bad like THREE TIMES but to no avail.... today during chem lect... i searched my bag but this time for my chem notes... and guess wat.... there it was my prelims timetable right at the top on my stack of notes! HOLY MO FO! o well... when u don try too hard to look for it... it comes to you... life is like that... sometimes trying too hard is not enough... trying too hard might lead u to really great disappoinment... so satay.... people.. in life just relax and slack lah!

OH YAH... miss k strikes again!!! i was late for school AGAIN... YES AGAIN...hahaha... i woke up at 6 this morning and im still late for school.... aint i cool or wat? hahaha... anyway i got caught for my hair! she sent me into the general office and rattled on about my testimonials that will look bad and testis are the one thats gonna help me in my uni entry... DUH~~ but heck.... after she left... mr chu was cool about the whole situation... he laughed and joked with us lah... like wateva lah ms k... cant u just relac your fatty arse?! stop sitting on me!!!! hahahahaha..... im outta here... satay ~~~

Cruel...

2004-08-15T22:00:00.000+08:00

wats needed to be said has been said... though it might not be wat we both want... we'll take it and we are moving on... hate me... i rather u just hate me... as we grow older... we understand that there is more to everything than just yourselve and myself... everything around us becomes a responsibility that we have to consider... maturity? maybe... how nice it would be if we were still foolish teenagers running and fooling around... having fun... and all we ever cared about was our feelings... not the same anymore... the world doesnt revolve around me... i know... sorry...

well prelim is just a week away... i've been trying to mug and blog less... so yeah that explains my disappearance for a while. i've added links to pictures that i have taken a while back and recently... have fun viewing them... will put more up soon... oh ya and next week is a no coffee week for me... yesh no coffee... cos caffeine will just kill my stamina and my sunshine might just run away... muahahaha... SO TAHAN TAHAN TAHAN! hahaha... save $$ also lah...

kk good luck to everyone... mug hard!! and let loose when u need to... after all.. . its only studies!! hahahhaa... kidding... im gonna shower and mug... ciaozzz~.~

REUNITED!

2004-08-10T11:29:00.000+08:00

Once again...

2004-08-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

those were the days... time keeps on ticking but the memories nv seem to fade a single bit... vividly they remain in my mind :) today... everything was great! once again... we were reunited! laughter... jokes... and insults were thrown all over the table! we took everything in the name of fun! lol... thats the way we were and thats the way it was today too... simply happy!

as usual im always one of the latest to meet up... ahahah and if it wasnt bad enough... we had to squeeze onto bus 400!! wa lau... its like fucking packed yooo!!! china was just trying to squeeze singapore lah! it was such a mad rush and everything was in a mess that our girls nearly didnt make it on board! scary right? haha

in the restaurant... we saw 20 bucks! and it was like "oh no... didnt bring enough money i think".... haha everyone tot we were going to have the 10 bucks steamboat... but david booked a really nice restaurant so satay ah!! haha... we just ate and ate to our hearts content :p it was pork beef pork beef pork beef and chicken! we ate a hell lot! lol... at 8 pm sharp... we stopped eating and left the table for a while to go watch fireworks... so dumb man!! we ran to the park nearby and by the time we got there the show was over... wow!! so exciting... o well its silly things that we do that make us great frens! =)

so we went back and cont to eat... surprisingly... everyone stopped eating after a while.. it was only david and i that kept on going and going and going! lol but it was me to give up next lah! haha... i didnt even eat my dessert lah! lol janice and vanessa joined us halfway.. they didnt eat... but they stole some dumplings and fishballs... lol

kk so after dinner we took a walk and along the way we took lots of photos! haha... really funny lah some of them! okie then the worse part came... HOW TO SQUEEZE ONTO THE BUS?! lol we walked to the bus stops up ahead hoping that we can get at least a seat on the bus man... cos everytime a bus comes... its a mad rush... and this china man actually pushed this old lady and got her so pissed that she screamed at him... WELL DONE LADY!! haha if the screaming wasnt good enough... i stood outside the bus and stared at him then i gave him the middle finger when he looked in my way! ooppss... im really not a bad boy... but some people simply just deserves it! vanessa and janice had a bad encounter with this china guy on their way to meet us... and my group got pushed badly by a bunch of china men! like holy cow WAIT CAN?! u deserve it! lol ....

so after four bus stops... FINALLY!! we got onto the bus... haha... then yk and i were trying to do the nigger accent... hahaha.. so darn funny... i wonder how i came up with that slang and it just sounded so darn funny... bum-ba-di-bum-bum... suddenly the engine of the bus just died! haha satay man! i made mroe stupid comments that was really dumb... and vanessa just kept on whacking me for that! :p too bad hahahaha....

okie thats basically it... an exciting nite it has been for me... miss u guys lots man... seriously... we are still the best yoooo.... nite people!

Take some time to read the lyrics :)

2004-08-05T01:04:00.000+08:00

That's When I Love You

When u have to look away

When u don't have much to say

That's when I love u I love u just that way

To here u stumble when u speak

Or see u walk with two left feet

That's when I love youI love u endlessly

And when your mad cause u lost the game

Forget I'm waiting in the rain

Baby I love u

I love u anyway

cause here's my promise made tonight

U can count on me 4 life

Cause that's when I love u

When nothing u do can change my mind

The more I learn the more I love

The more my heart can't get enough

That's when I love u

When I love u

No matter what

So when u turn to hide your eyes

Cause the movie it made u cry

That's when I love uI love u

A little more each time

And when u cant quite match you

when u laugh at your own jokes

that's when I love u I love u

More then u know

And when u forgot that we had a date

Or that look that u give when u show up late

Baby I love u ,I love u anyway

So here's my promise made tonight

U can count on me 4 life

Cause that's when I love u

When nothing u do can change my mind

The more I learn the more I love

The more my heart cant get enough

That's when I love u

When I love u

No matter what

Ohh that's when I love u when nothing baby, nothing u do could change my mind

The more I learn, the more I love, the more my heart can't get enough

That's when I love u , when I love u no matter whatOhhhh no matter what

=by aslyn=

hello to you again..

2004-08-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

YES! like after two days i finally understand hypothesis testing... im here to take a break and yes i shall rest my mind by replying you anonymous..

<anonymous>: at night i pray that your face will fade away
<anonymous>: yes i know how its like to miss someone. and i wonder is that someone feels exactly what i'm feeling..
<anonymous>: if*

everynite i dream of you... i always try to keep my mind off you before i fall asleep... but to no avail... every dream of you is sweet yet painful... is it considered a nightmare or sweet dream? definitely not a nightmare... but would u consider it sweet when you know it'll probably remain as a dream only? beta than nothing i'd say. i wake up to reality every morning..in school... i face reality..

have u ever dreamt of someone literally everynite? i did... there was a period of time when i dreamt of her everynite.. and everytime it would be sweet.. those were my most painful days... now its not everyday... but still frequently... whether u wanna live in misery or not is up to you...

well anonymous, basically a true love that was so strong and sweet will last in the heart for a long time... im sure he feels the same way as you do. i feel the same way as you do... missing and missing and missing... i just wish missing someone can be less painful and bring less unhappiness..

if u wanna know if he feels the same? don guess... find out...but from the way i see it... u two must have been deeply in love... i guess i can safely say that yes he feels the same way... don give up on love that has not died... it'll be the greatest waste of your lifetime...

Hi Anonymous...

2004-08-03T19:48:00.000+08:00

<anonymous>: how do i deal with how i feel. how to reveal?

<anonymous>: thanks.. but you don't understand what's happening. yeah i wish you the best. study hard! (:

<anonymous>: "guys can be such bastards and probably the best actors in the world.. we hide our true feelings so well.. " i hope that's really the case..

hello once again... its quite interesting talking someone i don know but we share similar situations... anyway... if u really wanna reveal your feelings and all... do it just do it... take every chance u have now... if not u might regret in future... time waits for no one... it gets harder as time goes by because u become more afraid...

i may not understand wat u are going thru... but for me... i did try once to get her back.. but i didnt succeed... thats when i know its not really up to me but her feelings and wat she really wants... im sure i wan her... i miss her lots... well today i was talking to this fren of mine... and all of a sudden we saw the hockey girls and my fren asked if i miss her... i just simply nodded...

i know wat a torture it must be to feel for someone and u just feel helpless... it won hurt to reveal your feelings... do it in the simplest way... sms... or a letter? if u reveal... its either things get better or the most u two just still won talk to each other.. but if u don try... u will never know... don live with regrets... good luck to you...

yesh and its true... guys have huge pride... im a bad boy on the outside... such a gangster and all... but seriously... not that strong inside : ( .. good luck and take care...

A tot for Anonymous

2004-08-02T19:42:00.000+08:00

<anonymous>: i wanna talk to him again, but whenever he is with his friends he keeps trying to pretend. but i already see the way he feels for me.
<anonymous>: but does he even feel the same anymore? he's actions don't show what he says..

hi anonymous i have no idea who you are... but since u have been tagging my blog... i'll leave u with some of my tots and share a little of wat im going thru... why does is it so fucking similar to mine?

i keep pretending too.. and up till today... i still am pretending... i wanna talk to her so badly too... and sometimes... i hope our love still has a chance. guys are not all that heartless.. im definitely not... its so painful... and after for so long... im just made to feel that there really is no more hope... there is no more hope for the both of us being in love anymore... frankly... i feel really shit and upset everytime i go to school... its so hard to keep pretending... really... im so freaking tired...

wat exactly does he do right now that makes u doubt wat he says? its the heart that matters and not his actions... after all.. even me.. now i cant show anything for and to her... u wanna know something really gay? i still carry our pics in my wallet and i look at it time and again... life sucks.. and life doesnt go the way u expect it... sorry guys... everyone tell me to move on and just enjoy life... i cant do it... im trying my best to enjoy life... but in the midst of my enjoyment.. i feel the hurt and all...

guys can be such bastards and probably the best actors in the world.. we hide our true feelings so well.. sometimes u think we are moving on... right now... also i'm trying to look like i've moved on for her cos she said that only when i pick myself up she will be happy and i think it'll be easier for her to carry her life with me in class... i hope it works...

watever it is do no be cheated by wat things look like alright? grab every opportunity u have... don miss out on it... im just here... hoping... i'm not wanting to do anything cos the hope i've held on for so long is just slowling fading away... and as it fades... it gets even more painful cos no in a fucking way do i wanna feel hopeless with her.. wateva... i wish u all the best... maybe u can call me stupid for still loving her... i don know wat kinda love its called... a love that cannot be shown or expressed... but hidden way deep within... with all my acting and pretending hoping to not be exposed... good luck... and maybe wish me all the best too? after all.. i still hope to tell her "i love you" instead of a simple "i miss you"...

kk enough... letting my tots flow now aint gonna help make me feel better... im feeling all messed up now... good luck anonymous.. and may your situation be better than mine... its not nice getting stuck here...

i apologise to all my frens who has always hope for me to move and and just be a player or wateva.. but thats not me... all i have are good frens around me and not "targets" ... thanks anyway... especially darius(i know u hate when i sound gay like that)... and my other satays...

Just Wats on that Mind..

2004-08-01T09:13:00.000+08:00

i said i was going to study... but the tag by "anonymouse" hit me.. just wats on my mind? i frankly have no freaking idea.. i only wish to focus on my studies now... and enjoy the company of all my frens... is that no right? but while i try so hard to achieve my aim... at the back of my mind she is always there... damn it... im not complaining... but why msg me and tell me those stuff and show that u still care? why don u just let me condemn myself...

im not a bloody playboy or flirt who will love u this minute and turn my back to walk off in search for a new girl.. if anyone ever thinks that im that way... thank you so much... how i wish i'm capable of doing that... at least life wouldnt suck so much! seriously...

anyway i have great frens... to hell if i smoke or drink alright?!

ZZZZZZZzzzzz....

2004-08-01T08:43:00.000+08:00

can u believe it people? i actually survived ntu symphonic band concert! okie it wasnt really that bad.. amy cheng and darren seah were invited to sing a few of the songs played by the band.. it was okie lah... satay...

and yesterday i met my "old fren". and i mean really old... our mum told us we were watching koils swimming and then she fell into the pond... apparently i was ok O_0 was it me? muahahaha.. how the hell i know man? we were only 3 or 4 then? haha... oh well... we had a good laugh over that... thats all...

the photo below... thats my bro and my mum... my bro will forever refuse to dress up even when we tell him to... man... still growing up lah... he's taller than me alr =(

Happy Birthday to you and me =)

2004-07-31T15:16:00.000+08:00

Friday started and ended well for me :) despite the fact that i couldnt get up in the morning and ran to the bus stop only to miss the bus AGAIN! so of cos another 5 bucks gone.. shoo! get lost... haha... had a good game of soccer during pe... after that lessons were just a breeze lah... and then after school was back to my haven :) thanks for the company... as least this time round it wasnt lonely... and apparently we had sucky b days this year so yeah happy b day to you and me =)

anyway i went to tuition and i got a slap from SOMEONE! haha a very light one.. cos SOMEONE said my breath stink.. haha and made me eat tic tacs... well THANKS YO... haha...

i got home and i was freaking tired... i still had to carry a heavy box from my mum's car up to the house... i was like... HELP? hahaha... harloe! the whole day was tiring lah! i swallowed my maggi mee and went to ZZZZZzzzz... lol

today woke up... had tuition... my tutor looks like he pmsing... if not i guess he must be fighting with his gf... kept looking at his phone.. haha... then went for lunch and to my bro's school to watch them practise drum... got bored and left early... so now im sitting here bloggin... im going to study now... i've decided... ytd was my turning point.. my very last day in my haven.. till the exams are over... i'll be back :)

SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY SATAY

THE SATAYS..

2004-07-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

Reflection..

2004-07-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

Today was a time of reflection... wat we felt when we cleaned the the flats of those unfortunate old people... the class guys came up with a rap.. and we performed it out in a form of a skit.. i would consider it successful since we only had 10 mins to work something out. WE DID IT! thats the power of our chemistry sial... oh yeah and caleb cheow joined us in our gig for the very first time! like since when he ever did man... chill caleb... u are too tensed and uptight! haha... the picture was taken before we did our skit... we are the coolest... the best... the hippest group in sajc.. haha... and maybe most gangster also ah... xia lan seh...

there was this gay who went up to the front and gave his reflection for that day.. he said somethine like "why should u guys be happy that you are doing all these for the less fortunate... you should be upset abd blah blah blah... and something like it is the duty of us citizens." i was so ready to give him a whack on his head and wake up his idea man.. thats so gay and loserfied man... of cos we should be happy that we are able to bring joy and smiles to the old folks... and YO DUDE! ITS NOT OUR DUTY AS A CITIZENS TO CLEAN UP THEIR SHIT! asshole... sorry bout that...

the day ended well with a game of soccer... it was great to work out all your stress and unhappiness... sweat it away man... thats about it...

Hendon

2004-07-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

looking at the photo earlier along with its caption... im sure many of u think that ronald and i have been rejected by the commandos right? well wrong actually... the results aint out yet... but we arent too optimistic about it. the reason is simple.. they are only gonna select 20% out of the whole lot... plus we are cock eye... and lets see... our interview wasn't as good as we expected it to be so yeah ... hahaha... the officer was a load of shit lah! right now we are prepared to be rejected by them =p so hence commandos rejects!

bus 29 left tampines interchange and along the way we past a few army camps and they look crappy and all... after about 20 mins of bullshit ride... the bus finally turned into a small road and right before us was hendon camp! the sign was really magnificent... it was WOW! haha... it was just different... it would have been nice to have taken a photo of it lah... but we were warned by the officer not to... so oh well... all camera phones were locked up...

we had to sit for a two hour long written test... boring.. lets skip that... then we had physical... crap lah... everyone could touch their toes except me! okie skip!! then the interview... it was more like a conversation and nothing linked to army really... a little here and there but not much... and i think i have to count myself lucky for the officer only used knn in our conversation once... lol ....

okie then it was booking out and then home sweet home... basically... my arms are aching from all the push ups and pull ups... by next mth... we should know whether im a real commandos reject or a true blue commando... haha.. till then...

its true when they say army transform boys into men... simply by stepping into the camp for one day... i feel different... i feel... don know... im lucky to experience and see wat it is really like inside... the home of the most prestigious army unit... i hope for the best.. =)

2004-07-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

THE COMMANDO REJECTS...
-=ruff=-

2004-07-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

Every morning is a rush for me... this month alone i think its about 30 bucks on cab!! which means 6 trips in total! this is outrageous man... bus will only take 15 mins to get me to school lah... this totally sucks... im sleeping early and getting up early tmr! so this morning at least i made it to the bus stop on time.. JUS NICE... gay... i was smsing then at the next stop, commonwealth mrt, like always all the saints came on board... and this familiar cough when she took a seat somewhere infront of me... i looked up and bingo... haizzz... it's still all too familiar... her movements... her cough... and even her back... the sight of her back... perverted? fuck you! no i aint a pervert... arghh...nvm... of cos being me... i acted cool and continued smsing.. haha...

okie so in class is nothing different thanks to caleb nolan cheow chee bai... its the usual you suck i suck shit... it keeps us entertained lah. everyone shares the same sentiments now... school is getting way too phucking boring! i swear everyone has their eyes glued to their tys and notes when they have the time man... there is no more slacking... the only time i get to see the rest of my class is during tutorials.. if not most of the time its the guys guys guys.. yeah we rule... but im not gay also.. lol ...

i've found my distraction =) oh and apparently they guys disapprove of my new interest.. and they each gave me a whack on the head during the brk lah.. satay lah... i need something to distract me in class if not i will fail my prelims cum a levels lah! k not so serious..

tmr is the day... hendon here i come... but according to the medical officer at cmpb... eyesight below 200 will be selected only... haiz.. there goes my dream.. it just flew out of the window lah.. lets jsut hope for the best tmr.. any test they put us thru.. i will give my best... lets hope my eye sight won be a problem... muahahaha... school ends at 1045 for me tmr suckers!!!!! ronald... lets go ... "reporting in" haha...

oh for some of you fags wondering why my blog is playing such a holy song? its christian mission week in school this week... well not like i really care... but ITS A NICE SONG SO TAHAN WITH ME! next week... i'll be back on the dark side :)
SATAY~~

2004-07-27T16:25:00.000+08:00

This photo was taken during Service learning day... three of us squeezed into the really small toilet man... we were cleaning ah...
-=ruff=-

2004-07-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

Do i believe in god? yes.
the thing is... my family may be buddhist... but i believe in both buddha and jesus..
wierd? nope! maybe its cos of the environment i've studied in for the past 5 years... yup...
if god is great... they'll bless everyone regardless of their religion as long as we believe in them... sounding gay alr... kk enough...
but the song attached to my blog is one of my fav songs when i need a brk from all those rock punk shit... yeah it helps me relax... close your eyes and enjoy the song...
im sure u find the peace i've found in it... -peace-

Jesus Lover Of My Soul

Jesus, lover of my soul

Jesus, I will never let You go

You've taken me from the miry clay

You've set my feet upon the rock

And now i know

I love you, I need you

Though my world may fall

I'll never let You go

My Savior, my closest Friend

I will worship you until the very end

Jesus, lover of my soul

Jesus, I will never let You go

You've taken me from the miry clay

You've set my feet upon the rock

And now i know

I love you, I need you

Though my world may fall

I'll never let You go

My Savior, my closest Friend

I will worship you until the very end

Jesus, lover of my soul

Jesus, I will never let You go

You've taken me from the miry clay

You've set my feet upon the rock

And now i know

I love you, I need you

Though my world may fall

I'll never let You go

My Savior, my closest Friend

I will worship you until the very end

I love you, I need you

Though my world may fall

I'll never let You go

My Savior, my closest Friend

I will worship you until the very end

2004-07-25T16:50:00.000+08:00

finally.. after a long while... yesterday was my happiest day after so long man... nothing spectacular... just a simple act of kindness... lol it was college service learning... we were made to clean one room flats at radin mas area. u should see the state of those flats man! the ah gongs and ah mas are really pitiful... no one to depend on but themselves and the govt.

their toilet was really in a bad shape cos hardly anyone helps them clean it... neither can they do it themselves with their dying body.. lol.. okie mean but THATS THE TRUTH! zat and i did the toilet... we scrubbed and scrubbed for over an hour... algae was growing at the corners and around the toilet bowl... plus it was those squatting kinda toilet bowl... thanks man... imagine with those algaes that old man can slip into it anytime lah! so we cleared everything plus those faeces that could not be washed away by the flush. well we finally finished and decided to give the uncle 12 bucks for all the water we used... since their bills are only subsidised... we tot its stupid to help them clean up and pay for those expensive water bills we accumulated for him...lol... so yup...

it was suff's b day yesterday.. HAPPY B DAY SATAY! ms tan brought us shopping for b day cakes... she bought two so that the whole class could have a share in it... cost her a bomb man... 56 bucks!!! moreover those cakes were bloody small!! conned!~!

after the whole cip was over... we headed down to tiong bahru plaza for food... caleb ronald jamie zat and i... WE SUCK! i swear... at the end of this year at our prom nites... we are going to believe we suck in watever suit we wear man... yes.. cos thanks to caleb... everything about each other now just suck... open your mouth and be prepared to be insulted hahaha...not that we mind... we were just laughing like fuck heads over insults fired across the table man... lol... fucking hilarious... but yeah CALEB U SUCK! JAMIE U SUCK! ZAT U SUCK... AND RONALD U SUCK! lol .... enough i guess.. =D i suck too...

2004-07-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

Thats how it will be like every fri now.... the girls will give up PE to study while the guys will be looking for guys to play soccer... finally suff and jamie are back in school... all six of us again.. so pe was great.. soccer was great lah! lol

bloody tired... during chem lect i spent the first period doing maths instead and the whole second period SLEEPING! YES! ms tng or whoever it was... too darn boring!! kk fuck school.... wat else that was int?

ok how about studying at macd with irwan jamie and ronald? i think it was cool considering we got a treat from jamie... lol... and before my tuition we went to check out the guitar... it was cool shit i tell u... all those distortions and other bloody gadgets that cost more than anything else... amazing man! if i sound too kiasu im sorry... the day has been too boring and being in the shop was kinda like the highlight of my day.. WOW!

so i went for tuition... i think my life is really routined man... friday is school... home... study.. tuition... and as always there is selina to yak yak yak away with me.. well today she was being really crazy... really really crazy.. singing and all... well she can sing... so im not complaining lah... hahaha.... she is just mad...

i'm gonna be cleaning flats tmr... school service learning... i hope those old folks don give us too much trouble... i wouldnt mind if i have to carry around... mop.... wash... i just hope they don shit in their pants while we are there... hahaha im just feeling mean right now... im tired.... satay everyone nite...

-another useless fucking nonsense entry-

2004-07-21T16:49:00.000+08:00

School is as usual.... TIRING! 4 weeks left to prelims... oh hell... there is just too much to worri about man... stress!!!!!! i came home quick from school and went for a jog.. my stamina is horrible now... in the end i had to do interval running man... aiyah at least i completed my 6 km... im not gonna crap here today.... gonna study... bye!

2004-07-19T20:39:00.000+08:00

School feels dead!!! like three people took green slip today... two were absent... so guess how boring the day was man... actually considering i spent most of my time in the reading room.. im just starting to look like a jc2 student... the only stress reliever today was the jog with ronald and mr ho during pe. we took a 20 mins jog and he told us more about the army and all and blah blah blah... it felt good after the work out! :)

hahaha caleb as usual is so full of shit "eh u better shut up u bloody recruit". like wth man? all of a sudden he started calling ronald and i recruits... hahaha so darm funny the way we fought with each other trying to act like "officers" lol... dumb panties...

councillor's stepping down was three days ago... and today caleb brought a whole huge pack of fruitloops into the lect to share with us... lanxi made this paper box for us to pour the cornflakes into... very cute sia... aiyah she full of funny ideas lah that jappy! mars was telling us that commandos can probably earn about 800 bucks a mth!! wah seh.. thats like OH YEA! hahaha... lanxi immediately lit up man! all she could think of was to ask for a treat and give her 100 bucks! thanks i think i take u shopping cheaper lol... ho ho ho...

so we just kept munching and munching and munching on fruitloops... and frankly lanxi is the first person i know who doesnt like sweet stuff... -shrugs- and after lect caleb still has a bit of a servant leader in him lah.. he picked up all the fruitloops that fell onto the floor...

final conclusion... 03s77 is a nice class... a class that brings life to one another... wouldnt be complete without each and every special individual... however.. i have a strong feeling that after prom nite... its just another lovely memory and maybe soon forgotten past... i hope that'll nv happen ;)

rocks to all my frens... pundehs... satays... bangs... bros... kaks... sis... R n R... hahaha... all of u... thanks...

2004-07-18T15:24:00.000+08:00

everyone is tired... im feeling satayed inside out... emotional scars are the hardest to mend... in fact i don think i can ever mend the scars i've inflicted so deep in you... fly... soar... find your happiness... out of this tragic hole you go... as for me... i will do my best to be the better person u and i have always hope i will become... i will shift my focus from now on.. and hoping that maybe one day a miracle brings u back to my hole... i'll give u the rainbow after the storm =) good luck for now... good luck =) i will keep your memories with me :) thank you for all the love...

okie thats the last bit i'll ever talk about my "stuff". okie so lets see... i finally got back to working out after weeks of feeling really tired and drained of energy. got a letter from the amry for further reporting orders... thanks man... heard i have to do napfa there and all... oh well.. at least i get to skip school!! hahaha so i guess i don mind...lol... for the next one week... its getting back into shape and getting my studies back on track :) there i now have a focus... one week definitely not enough to get back in shape... but i'll do watever i can...

life really isnt that bad... its all about trying your best.. learn from your mistakes and move on... looks like absolut is out of the window for now if i must get in shape... hahahaha... okie goodbye to my haven... and welcome back to reality world... prelims... school... test... and sucky results!!!! reality check... prelimes is about 5 weeks time... that means i should not be blogging too much also right? hahaha... muahahaa... im just here writing... u know why?! cos im bored of studying... my fren studied last nite at 2 am... after we chatted... wow how steady is that?! thats total madness... im gonna take a shower... i stink after working out...

2004-07-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

::ABSOLUT HAVEN::

it is absolut without the "e" for a reason... that is where i would like run away to now.
the whole day has been like a guessing game for me! i have no idea wat to expect or wat exactly i should do. i just did wat i tot i should do... and gave my very all... the rest is up to god and well yea... her...

i wanna float to a higher level again...my own fantasy world where my troubles though still on my mind... are at the back of my mind where i don have to be burdened by it ... wat really matters most is trying to maintain balance and enjoy being high... for tat period of time... is pure heaven... though u suffer slight side effects from it later... but it makes u happy... "drown your sorrows"... hell yeah... "shoot to all your sorrows"

2004-07-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

before i end my day, i decided to blog alittle... bored lah so satay... many unsuccessful attempts of perfecting my song and recording it down = painful fingers!!!

we finally got back chem and maths and gp... lets not talk about it.. prelims is 5 weeks away... and everyone is like STUDYING ALR! oh man the pressure is just building up! the load on us is getting heavier... its so tough to walk upright and fast. but wait, funny thing is that WE NEED TO STUDY HARD AND FAST! cos all of two years work has to be STUFFED into our brainS that have been tuned over the two years to SLACK! everyone out there mugging good luck! and rmb u aint alone...

no matter where i go... no matter how deep i fall... no matter how tired i am... and no matter how far u are... u will always be in a place thats closest to me, my heart.

folks hope u enjoy this song starcrossed by ash... currently top on my list =D

Behold this night, still and clear
You look here just like an angel sleeping
I wish I could ease your fears
I would catch the diamond tears you're weeping
In your eyes I would hide
By your side I could defy
The forces tearing us apart
But reality, as it seems
Looking back, is that our dream
Was fated from the start

Girl we're star-crossed and can't escape
We're condemned and can only wait
At this time now it's far too late
To save us from our fate

I'll remain in your hold
Body, mind, heart and soul
As long as I breathe
Though consequence takes its toll
All is out of our control
That's how it will be
So close your eyes my young bride
Listen to me one last time
There's something I have to say
When your faith turns to despair
Always will my love be there
And never fade away

Girl we're star-crossed and can't escape
We're condemned and can only wait
At this time now it's far too late
To save us from our fate
You can't save us
You can't save us

Girl we're star-crossed and can't escape
We're condemned and can only wait
At this time now it's far too late
The poison's in our veins
It's true
You know that I'd die for you
You know that I'd die for you
You know that I'd die for you

Forever true
I'll see you through

2004-07-10T20:12:00.000+08:00

Halim told me once "dude, alcohol and nicotine is not a solution" yeah i agree with him. isn't it nice that he has made a pact with his gf? im sure the two of u will go a long way... making me jealous everyday sia! hahaha...

its only a temporary escape from pain that no one can feel or reach. listen people, alcohol and nicotine is definitely harmful to your body so we should keep our distance from them... AS FAR AS WE CAN! however, how strong are we to really stay away from them? its alawys the "just this once lah won die" kinda attitude u get wat i mean? certainly for that moment, when u feel high and all u feel is the heat plus the burning sensation that really matters.

a temporary escape is wat i need to give me a little strength to carry on with my life at least for another while before i seek for another temporary escape. yeah of cos frens are always there for me, its time like this when i know that another part of my life is really blessed with so many frens who actually care... frens that go way back with me and frens whom i have made only recently.. but nonetheless all are impt to me! frens just another temporary escape for me... i joke i laugh with them... but frens being frens... how much of the time in a day can they be with you? there are always time when u will be all alone... trying to work or relax... it springs into your mind catching u off guard and down again..

life doesnt really suck this way! :) except for the exams! :p

2004-07-07T20:45:00.000+08:00

"SONG YAO!" thanks mr peh... cant i just take a short nap while u yak on about economics during lect? kaoz... not as if i was mentally there... physically yes. we were given the outlines to our bt2 econs essays and wat do u know? those points were too different from wat i wrote so hard on that day! okie phook there goes econs... one down... two more to go!

during brk... i had a long "toilet brk" with one of my pals. relationships *haiz* its always affected by the stress we get from our results and exams. it wrecks the confidence that one used to have after studying so hard yet failing almost all of it. life is never fair.. its true.. despite all the efforts and sacrifices, we don always get the desired results. To look at it optmistically, we can fool ourselves by saying that this failures are obstacles set by god. It is a lesson in life that u learn by falling and u emerge stronger from the fall. I fool myself most of the time. Have u ever tot that people might just have all the darn luck for excelling and being paid off for their efforts while others don?

back to my pal. obviously we now know that he did badly for his papers.. while his sayang... one of the high flyers... naturally he felt that he was not good enough for her and he would be more of a distraction to her. fearing that her results would slip cos of him... he was foolish and wanted a brk up... come on dude.. thats not how love works... u don have to be perfect for one another yea? ok so the talks went on here and there... and satay all was well and sweet after they had a nice talk... touching? yup yup! good to have happy couples around! =P

guess life would really be monotonous without those few satays in my class ah... it is times like this that zat will always recommend jiwang songs to me ah... and then we will sing~~~ hahaha... satay ah.... okie wait

okie last nite i did online marketing and bought groceries online... my mum left everything to me... and damn it man ... i was so blur! i ordered two kg of veg! holy ma ma... brkfast lunch dinner is gonna be chye sim man... shit i really cannot do groceries! hahaha...

2004-07-05T13:29:00.000+08:00

and this are some pics taken with yikang's phone... okie i was just acting dumb lah... hahaha.... can u see my face all red? i hate myself for that... i turn red easily... -shrugs-
-=ruff=-

2004-07-05T12:38:00.000+08:00

had a bbq at dave's house last nite... i guess that was one of the nicest way to celebrate youth day for me... plus soccer at nite... though it was disappointing... i don believe it lah! greece sucks!

its a simple gathering for everyone from 03s73 (1st intake) to meet up again... like FINALLY! cos everyone just too busy during school days to meet as a group... PLUS xiang jie aka banana is back from US and of cos he misses us! lol...

so i was there at 5.30... only zhi fu was early loh! haha the rest were either buying food or just LATE! lol... so we watched gu wak zai 3... u know that gangster show? gu wak zai if im not wrong means gangster lo... its quite cool... born to be gangster 0.o at 6 the three of us went to start the fire first... we couldnt somehow start the fire loh! haha after one hour plus.. lucas and mark tay came so OK let the si gous(scouts) take over! haha...

so the girls started cooking first and the guys were just slacking talking about games and euro... haha just so relaxing and fun lah! we had beer which brought the spirit up a little more... haha... ok so when we felt guilty enough... we took over from the girls and i marinated the chicken with yk... haha... SPREAD THE CUM ON THE CHICKEN BABY! lol ooppss i think the way we played with the chicken turned the girls off cos they didnt eat any of the wings we bbqed!!haha okie one maybe only ONE! =( hahaha...

after everything is done... eating and all... we stood around the table to talk about IS*BeLL* CH*N! disgusting BIARCH!!!hahaha... everyone got damn excited and int lah... haha so so so guess wat? they ask me to send them her webbies lo! oh well she really is becoming INFAMOUS! a complete disgrace to sajc sia! hahahaha... o well...

and then the feature of the nite... vodka! haha thanks dave's dad... he opened up his bottle for us.. wooo yea... janice yikang mark tay and i just sat around the table and took shots after shots... laughing and cracking all sorts of jokes... oh yea when we finished almost 3/4 of the bottle... xiang jie dave and zhifu joined us! lol...its fucking high man! for that moment it was just shots after shots after shots... no mix last nite... everything was forgotten... for a moment i did not think... hope... and hurt... it was just pure laughter happiness and craziness! xiang jie insisted that we left a bit of later soccer.. so okie loh... janice and i stopped cos we wanted more shots hahaha... but imagine man... 30 mins and the whole 60 70 bucks bottle of vodka gone! i heartpain for uncle man!

basically after we finish drinking... it was a crazy nite after that... took los of pics with handphones! high tech sia! lol... okie its too much stuff that went on i also lazy to type lah... after that i accompanied jan to macritchie bus stop and we took bus from there... aiyah i afraid she kena rape my banglas mah! 11.40 liao leh! somemore she a bit seh leh... hahaha...

it was just fun meeting up with my old frens again and once again being the real crazy self me! its crazy to the max... fun to the max... thanks guys! 03s73 nv fails to make my day =D

oh and adrian koh cai de... if u ever read this.. i hope u had fun having mass orgy in the theatre sia! hahahaha....

2004-07-05T12:32:00.000+08:00

of cos...my bang and my kak! haha which means my brother and my sister lah... janice and david... adrian koh cai de for once pls stop MIA!! too bad he missed out on the fun... though all 4 of us are in a different jc except for janic and adrian... we still have so much fun when we meet up lah! the chemistry kinda nv dies? lol... okie the second pic looks like im hugging jan but NO! i was hugging david and david was hugging me... so she just kinda got sandwhiched =P all four of us the proud members os sajc 03s73(1st intake) we kinda rock everything... we had all the fun together... ponning lessons and all... ahhh... isnt jiwang ah.. oh well... wat would life be without these frens of mine? they make me happy!
-=ruff=-

2004-07-05T12:26:00.000+08:00

some of the pics taken at DAvid's bbq... (pic 1) just us in dave's bedroom at the end of the bbq...(pic2) zhifu and i! he is full of japanese anime and stuff... and he's the one who taught me how to make cards fly :p. (pic 3) yikang and i! haha one of my best buds lah... joker combi... don study 16 points.. study a bit 13 pts... in the end still got jc wat! haha... (pic 4) some of the guys at the bbq... with DAVID AT THE BACKGROUND! -_- he loves doing the ghostly thing...
-=ruff=-

2004-07-01T21:01:00.000+08:00

YEAH ITS OVER! exam is over... hang on.. its only BT2 LAH! okie so this was how the chem paper went today... i looked at the first qn and i just stared at it... the next i did... was to peep at my neighbour! HAHAHAHHAA.... okie fine... so i cheated... FIRST QN ONLY WAT! no harm right? -shrugs-the rest of the mcq was just "i think its this... hmmm this sounds right too". its not as though i didnt study k! i did hell lots ah!

section c was even better... no time to finish man! anyway its just satay plus some sambal and maybe with my grinded hand or finger.. =P aizat was saying something like "when u are deep down in the treches... when u feel like u are six feet under... when u feel like u are standing at your grave... when u feel like all is lost... don worry im with you" oh man.... we can be so satay everyday lah... econs that day was mad singing and horny corny talks... today its the jiwang and "all is lost" talk... ahahahaha...

so i went home... had a little chat with my friend and then rushed off to the dentist... it kinda suck cos on my way.. i just saw so many sports car... really nice solid ones... in red and red and red... it just reminds me... had the urge to share the joy with her though... its okie... its time like this that i rmb i'll always miss her : )

haven really planned wat im gonna do with my free day tmr... but im definitely gonna watch euro tonite! czech and greece! hahaha eh ronald good luck dude... 500 bucks on czech! lol heng i no money if not i'll be putting in quite a bit also man! oke bye

2004-06-29T19:14:00.000+08:00

oke damn it... just give me something in my life that will go right!! this entry is gonna be short... i spent 20 mins writing the last one and all i got was "CANNOT FIND SERVER" holy moo moo cow! my whole entry just poofed and disappeared into thin air... wait no... the thin lines of the stupid modem and don know where it goes..

hello to those unexpected visitors to this blog :D hahaha surprise surprise but hello anyway! becareful wat u read! muahahaha.... cos maybe one day i'll post some porn here! porn of me? u wan g string normal underwear... or superman boxers?! lol

arghhhh one more paper to go for block test 1!! so far gp has been errrr see stars man! its purely chimololegy!! dovetail? wat is that man... i would prefer the chickens tail =p econs was bad don mention a single thing about it... maths... i just simply satayed it ah... thanks goodness those three papers are over!

despite the stress im feeling right now... im here blogging! chill babes! hahaha... wat can make this period of stress worse? RASHES! seriously... when u get rashes... take the yellow flu pill... don expose yourself to too much air con too... and rub "egoderm" its effective ... use it well and take care +.+

right now... m just wishing i could be there... take care people... im hungry... famished... ONANI NEH~~ hahaha haven used that for a while alr... bye!

2004-06-29T17:59:00.000+08:00

LATELY I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE
SOMEONE'S COME AND TAKEN ME
WHERE I DON'T WANNA GO
IF I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE TO DO
IN ORDER TO BE THERE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU WERE FEELING LOW

AND ALL THE THINGS WE EVER WANTED
WERE ONCE YOURS AND MINE
NOW, I KNOW WE CAN REVIVE IT
ALL THE LOVE WE LEFT

chorus:
EVERYTIME I KISS I FEEL YOUR LIPS AND
EVERYTIME I CRY I SEE YOUR SMILE AND
EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES I REALISE THAT
EVERYTIME I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE
THE SWEETEST THING MY HEART COULD EVER FIND
AND I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY
SINCE THE DAY I GAVE YOUR LOVE AWAY

SAVE ME, I'VE FALLEN FROM MY DESTINY
YOU AND I WERE MEANT TO BE
I'VE THROWN IT ALL AWAY
NOW YOU'RE GONE
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO CARRY ON
BUT BABY I JUST CAN'T GO ON
WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE

AND ALL THE THINGS WE EVER WANTED
WERE ONCE YOURS AND MINE
NOW, I KNOW WE CAN REVIVE IT
ALL THE LOVE WE LEFT

chorus

WE CAN SURVIVE IT
ALL THE PAIN WE FEEL INSIDE
YOU RELIED ON ME AND NOW I'VE LET YOU DOWN
NOW, I PROMISE YOU FOREVER
I WILL BE THE BEST I CAN
NOW, I KNOW WE CAN REVIVE IT
ALL THE LOVE WE LEFT

chorusx2

i hope u people like this song just i like do :) the chorus is my favourite :p

2004-06-21T12:56:00.000+08:00

i'm not a perfect person... yet u loved me... im not a perfect person... yet u cared for me... im not a perfect person yet u shouldered so much problems for me... im not a perfect person... yet u sacrificed so much for me... your freedom... and now the extend of your happiness... u showered me with love care and concern... i tried to give u the same... but i gave u trouble and pain...

a punk like me... who can speak like a gangster at times... has the attitude of an asshole... sometimes i can behave like a gangster especially when im revengeful... yet all of this... she loved them all... and so slowly she took me by my hand and changed them all... well not all... i still speak like a gangster sometimes... i still can be quite revengeful... bad tempered and even behave like one... but all has improved... since i met her...

im not joking if any of u think she is the perfect angel every guy yearns for... she may have her temper... but she loved me regardless of my faults... now... as i write in here today... she is not mine anymore. as time goes by... we always take a person for granted, unaware of all the sacrifices and love... only when she is gone... i now feel empty... lonely... and no one can fill that gap in my heart except her... im sorry for all the emotional scars... moving on is the last thing on my mind... i will and i shall wait... i will try my best to win her back... i miss u angel

my throat aint getting any better with block test one week away... and every morning i wake up with a headache... eh could it be brain tumour? i simply cant study at home... this really sucks... and worse of all im not allowed to go out and study... "lock yourself in the room and don get distracted!!" yah right... my room is the source of my distraction... my guitar... my hi-fi... and my bed...

yesterday while studying in the evening... the kids downstairs were making bloody noises while playing soccer... i took a peek... and all i saw were kids having fun... and not irritants... i found peace in watching them play happily...did i sound mad there?haha.. i yearn for a happy live again... the wind was just blowing strongly against my face... SHIOK! i can make myself happy... i succeed at times too... but something is always missing...

2004-06-15T15:24:00.000+08:00

One of THE BEST songs i've heard has gotta me ALL ABOUT LOVING YOU by Bon Jovi =)

Looking at the pages of my life
Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes you know I've made a few
I took some shots and fell from time to time
Baby, you were there to pull me through
We've been around the block a time or two
I'm gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how we've come this far
The answer's written in my eyes

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby
We've been to hell and back again
Through it all you're always my best friend
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do
Tonight I'm gonna find a way

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

You can take this world away
You're everything I am
Just read the lines upon my face
I'm all about lovin' you

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

All about lovin' you

-=ruff=-

2004-06-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

are we all confident that we know how to sustain a relationship? many times we may think so... but in actual fact... it aint so. As time goes by we start to take things for granted, even though we claim that we cherish every little moment together, what im talking about is how we take for granted how solid we think the relationship is. tempers do flare up... patience will run dry... someone will explode...

problems will definitely arise between couples.. and there will alwayws be something that will irritate one another. however... i always believe that commnunication is very important...haiz... but love sometimes force us to hold back such discussion so that there'll not be any hurt and pressure... sad to say most of the time... and most of the time unaware till now.. that i've always been at the receiving end of all these... my partner not wanting me to feel extra pressure or hurt in my life.

thereby i conclude that in life... no matter how assured we feel about a relationship, constant reminders are a must!! MUST MUST MUST! i was reading an old email my fren sent me.. "a soulful relationship". only then i realised that i've committed many of the mistakes as said in the email... i always wanted a good relationship and be able to bring it on to deeper and deeper stages... of cos in the end.. marriage and being soulmates...but mistakes can have serious consequences... oh well... say no more... i pasted the email for everyone...

A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP by Rev. Ronald McFadden

If you're not married , share this with a friend. If you are married, share
it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust,
desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and
don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've
got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a
life together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you
bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with
each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to
the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make
someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone
else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship!

Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks,
some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on
the voicemail or send a nice email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not
away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be
together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of
commitment.

Don't try to control one another.

Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for
richer--or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship
will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain
replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.

2004-06-14T12:24:00.000+08:00

and all of your ways
all you dream
falls on me
it falls on me
and you beautiful sky
the light you breath
falls on me
it falls on me

-=ruff=-

2004-06-13T02:35:00.000+08:00

my head gets heavier and heavier by the min... as it is i need a support for it now! ha... wonderful isnt it? u make your gf pissed becos of a problem that u could have solved in a much more calm and peacful manner... after she leaves without saying goodbye... you indulge in alcohol... taking lots at a time... giving u the real high feeling! wwwoooooohhhhhhhooooooo... i guess thats life... sometimes when u hope for something too much... it disappoints you... however... when u don hope... it sweetens your life with that amazing little things that she'll do for you...

guys are weird.... or maybe its just me thats weird... i don know wat i want... i don know wat im fighting for... i don know wat im chasing and trying to achieve... im not really a linkin park fan, but today some of their songs seem to make real sense... its like the world is so big and u are an ant trying to figure wat this bullshit is all about! lol... ironical huh.... at 18 u think u know so much... but u discover there is more to it than meets the eye...

i guess men are greedy... its nv enough for us... we tend to seek for more and nv being satisfied with wat love has made our women do for us... as a matter of fact women can be the greatest creatures on earth... for love... they sacrifice... for love they care... for love they give u sweetness.... for love they will love... i don know wat im driving at... i aint thinking str8... but one point i wanna put across is that love... the sweetness yet the cruelty and bitterness of life... everyone yearns to be loved... im no exception... the only think is that i've been the luckiest guy in the world having a girl to love me so much...

many times we say we are satisfied with the love with are getting from families frens and gfs and bfs... as a matter of fact amidst those happiness... there is still the sense of hope and want for more of those feelings! get it? who doesnt like to be pampered... im not gonna lie cos i totally like to be pampered... but this world doesnt exist for you... its the cruel but the most DUH logic and fact... haha... if u wanna survive... pls just be contented with wat u are getting and strive for more AT THE RIGHT PACE AND AT THE RIGHT TIME! slow and steady wins the race...

sad huh? when your eager for success and achievement... it bites back at you... all i wish to say is sorry... and even if i destroy my life to make your life... im more than willing... i better stop here cos im getting sick of all my bloody typo errors... nite!

2004-06-12T00:45:00.000+08:00

Im not the goody little boy that stays home all day and never seems to leave the house... Im just forced to...at 1am... im gonna start on my chem hmwk which is due tmr morning 9am... chem tuition.. tired sia.. have no clue why im so tired... i just fucking hate the kinda life im living... i bet any of u satays out there will be crying out loud for god to give you some grace just like i am now.. well i do an angel in my life... but it sucks missing her and being stucked at home.... at least its better than jail rite? jail only got four walls... at least at home i can stare at 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8....(don know how many walls lah)

the only way of getting out the house now is either for tuition or for my jog... i've kinda grown to like jogging a lot... every week i do twice 4km! not that bad lah rite? hahaha... im not the sprinter in singlet and short shorts... im the ah pek in t shirt and tennis shorts.... hahaha....

there's this feeling in my thats been pumping... i needa get high! i know i need to... so far alcohol has done some of the job for me... plus my buddies like jie and jae... haha just being a bastard and attacking one another.... thats quite cool cos it always make me laugh.. and when i laugh like fuck... im high... and LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.. do expect the WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... and then i'll just stop laughing... serious... i nv really realised that until jae hee pointed it out... and so did my angel of cos :) there really is no other way for me to go high... i just wanna do something bad... knowing my mum will hate it... but i'll just wanna do it! i get the kick out of it all the time... don u all? oh come on... we are all teens... and teens are well more or less rebellious! hahaha... just release yourselves!

in this entire week... i must say today is the best... at least i spent sometime with krys... ONCE AGAIN.. she accompanied me to tuition!! wooo... haha and i pretended i had a tummy ache and left the class for 30 mins! and when i got back... my teacher was so worried.. and even offered my warm water to drink! waahahha... okie i'm guilty... but i just wanted to steal that 30 mins for my baby wat... sorry lah.. but :p and wow... jiehua ah... u make my mei mei late one whole hour for tuition! hahaha... and i didnt know how to cover up for her man! lol.. most importantly... u made my 30 mins in class boring! hahaha

I HATE MONEY! I HATE MONEY! my prepaid card has ran out of value alr! means i cant sms krys! this would suck to the core cos i now cant contact her except to chat with her online at nite! so for about 16 hours... i'll hear NOTHING from her... and she'll hear NOTHING from me! :'( im not a crybaby... but thats jsut to show how sad and lonely we will be =X

oh btw... krys and selina... have i told u gals that i hope u two can become the best of frens? haha i don know why.. but its becos krys is the one i love with all my heart.. and selina has been my mei mei for so long... she is a special fren :D so i hope my darling... the angel of my heart can really be great frens with my great mei who has done and helped me a hell lots thru out the years man...BUT... of cos krys is still the best and forever will be :D she has been thru so much for me... she has put up with hell.. there were times when he life was hell but she put up with all of it for me...its been emotionally and physically tiring...but here she is still giving me her love everyday.. i love her! ok dearie and mei mei ah.. get the HINT ah... muahahahahaha....

TIME FOR CHEM! BYE~

2004-06-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

okie... every friday evening is gp tuition... Y-A-W-N-Z-... the girl in the pic with me is selina... i've known her since sec 3 ah? lol must be lah ... she is like a sister to me... thanks! haha... mr & mrs low have been teaching me eng maths and science since pri 6!! o.0 a waaayyyy looonnnngggg timmmmmeee back! hahaha... satay...
-=ruff=-

2004-06-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

im feeling really shag... had tuition till 10 plus and only got home at 11 plus... had econs remedial in the afternoon... it was two long hours man! its really satay when u actually pay attention man! lolz... after that i went home and take a brk before heading off for tuition... met up with my baby and she accompanied me to tuition :D isnt that sweet? well she is a sweet girl of cos :)

i brought my digicam along... wanted to take some really nice shots of us :) unfortunately she was not feeling too well and wanted to puke... she looked really uncomfortable on the bus... oh plus the bus smelled like puke itself :X poor krys lah! its okie... i'll have plenty of chances to take photos with her :D before i went for my tuition we spent some time together and i gave her a massage... i hope she enjoyed it!

so i went into class really bored and tired...haha so guess wat i did... as usual lah me... i took out the camera and started playing... actually i couldnt really take any photos cos mrs low was kinda strict today and she kept us really busy sia... thanks man... any o how... i managed to steal some shots in between her classes and after class... haha i shall post some of the pics i took today...

during tuition i suffered hunger pangs... after tuition i rushed to macd and bought two CHEESEBURGERS! hahaha... i just bite bite bite bite and GONE! lolz... that made me happier of cos...

im right now waiting for SOMEONE to come online.... yawnz... im really tired... lol... OH WAIT SHE IS HERE! hahaha... okie i'll post some pics later.... bye bye!

2004-06-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

my day started off really lousy... had a big fight with my brother... that bloody 16 year old rebellious teen... oh wait... sounds so like me when i was 16... ok now i know wat a farking arse i was... hahaha... i cant say for sure if i have changed much though :P after his tuition he came and said sorry... haha... and guess wat i did? i told him to sit down and shut up... and then i gave a brotherly talk... muahaha... that shut him up REAL GOOD!

okie and then i had tuition... 3/4 of the time my mind was not at the table at all.. it sucks man... maths tuition.. and after that i hardly understood that chapter at all... im so dead screwed for maths...

i think im a real cs addict now... the moment my teacher left... i took over the com and GO GO GO... i was playing cs... "roger that" i think im quite hopeless alr... i need someone to take cs away from me!!! "affirmative" hahaha

so u all think im a computer geek rite huh huh huh? WRONG! at 6 i managed to "persuade" my bro for a jog... its easy... always attack those fats at his belly! muahaha -evil- a 5 km jog... im proud of it! considering a lazy bum and someone who struggles to finish 2.4... today i finished the 5 km... job well done... i shall hit 10 mins plus for my 2.4 km next term.. just watch me! muahaha...

okie im tired... btw... granny bought BAK KWA today! yum yum... half the box gone when my granny went out... wahahaha *rubs tummy*

2004-06-02T01:02:00.000+08:00

jamie pang er feng... small pundeh... ok not smell but just another pundeh of ours... cute rite? if any girls wanna know him call me first... hahahaha.... k not funny... he only needs to read his notes once and he can score like As man.. siao! haha... always doing crazy things and he is a really fast long distance runner... no kidding... he overlaps us in 2.4 man... haha... like i said earlier... without any of the guys 03s77 will just suck! hahahaha.... ok satay satay i'll give credit to each and everyone of the other members too... which means all the girls! = )
-=ruff=-

2004-06-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

okie u see the only mat in the photo? yes thats suff... suff is mad... suff is horny... suff is fast and suff is just f**king horny... his mouth ah... words that come out of it are worth a million dollars if not they are crap... haha... caleb is the one wit the spects... he has the brains.. looks... and he is a councillor... LOOK AT HIS TIE! so neat... haha... oh and he has a fan club lah! caleb is mad... caleb is nuts... caleb made us super panties and para pundehs... caleb loves going around telling people "YOU SUCK" so yeah... caleb YOU SUCK! muahahaha....kk kidding...
-=ruff=-

2004-06-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

Everyone say hi to ronald... like i mentioned earlier... ronald is one of my best buds in class... and after class... we have our own training after class too! haha well thats CS! actually its my fault that i got him hooked on it... haha eh he taught me betting so an eye for an eye! this pics were taken on the last day of school before we brk for june holz... hahaha just goofing around... okie thats ronald yeo wei shen for u...
-=ruff=-

2004-06-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

muahaha...cool or not?! lolz... that guy is ronald... he is the master for brkdancing man... and the cs ka kee also.... song rite to have such a fren? hahaha... u rock.. we rock everything man .. double "R" haha get it? Raphael and Ronald... lol...
-=ruff=-

2004-06-01T12:43:00.000+08:00

take a look at this! cute isnt it? my darling gave it to me...u can store sweets in it... just lift the head up! hahaha...eh that donkey in winnie the pooh... its hee hor... hahaha or is it eee or? or yee or? oopss don know how to spell... but its the sweetness filled inside it is the best! thank you!=D
-=ruff=-

2004-06-01T12:27:00.000+08:00

*taps the table* wheres lunch?!?! haha... im really hungry now... IS THERE NO MORE FOOD? IS THERE NO MORE FOOD? lol... take it... its yours! alrite i woke up really early this morning to meet up with my baby and go to school and pick up our notes... it was great cos i haven seen her for three days? eh three days is a lot ok! muahaha... and she was really sweet cos she gave me this soft toy and u can actually open it up to store sweets! yum yum i got roches and those sour sweets! *cringe* now she is on her way to meet her hockey team for lunch at seoul garden... did u hear me? seoul garden! and me? MAGGI MEE! MAGGI MEE! lol... last nite while i was chatting... my maid came out of her room and ran for the toilet... SHE PUKED! she just kep puking for the next half an hour.. no joke man... i could smell it from the living room! thats some sick shit man! but poor her lah yah? she probably couldnt stand watching those sharks eat up humans! :p oh btw deep blue sea was on tv and she was watching it! hahaha.... orbi orbi :p for the past few days... i've been having lots anf lots of nightmares! scary rite? its always me running away from the police for theft and even MURDER! 0.0 oh and i rmb one... i got a tattoo on my thigh and my mum used a kitchen knife to scratch it off!!i was screaming like f**k man! hahaha... thank god last nite i did not have any nightmare... maybe cos i slept at 3 and woke up at 6 so did not have time for any dreams at all :D currently im feeling really happy and ell hyped and GOOD! ;) okie noodles ready... maggi noodles ready... before i go... let me tell u a secret... THE GODS ENVY US.... THEY ENVY US BECAUSE WE ARE MORTALS :)

2004-05-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

Special thanks to amy and van! hahaha without these two my blog wouldnt be this great... thanks for helping me.. the html boo boo... i really like the design a lot... haha... im impressed by u two! great frens to have! thanks a lot! okie okie intro time... amy is the one in the PANTIES!!!hahaha cute rite? van obviously is the other one with the big nice smile rite? :D she's a touch rugger and loves her bf alot..awww too bad for all u other guys! ho ho ho before i forget... vanessa and char are in seventeen magazine for some competition... johnson and johnson i think... so just go vote for them and help them win :) hahaha.... thank you again to amy and van for all the time u two have wasted on my blog :D ~appreciated

-=ruff=-

2004-05-29T19:08:00.000+08:00

aahhhh isnt the vice captain and captain ah... satay man.. but im the useless captain of tennis team... haha... i slack more then i play ah... except for this mat... the star of it all man... this pic was taken long ago... exactly one year ago...hahaha... thank goodness he came if not my days at the tennis chalet ah... spent watching people sleep man... lol... oh and this satay here witness me SLEEP CYCLE... don ask me how... we were sleeping by the beach with kai en.... and i got up and cyycled off.... how about i didnt know i did that also? hahaha satay man.... cHeeRs to SajC tEnnIs tEam
-=ruff=-

2004-05-29T03:22:00.000+08:00

the last day of school.. the start of my holz.. and nope it aint really holiday for me... its more like a study brk.. hang on... IT IS A STUDY BRK! -.- anyway 3 am... wat am i doing online fiddling around with my blog? haha... thanks van for helping me getting it started... you've been a great help... :D indeed a great fren! okie im going to hit the sack now... oh btw.. im grounded for the whole holz except for going back to school for consultations and remedials... which is only ONCE in the whole june lah! lazy sia the teachers... okie chaoz liao lah... i miss u baby :)

2004-05-29T03:15:00.000+08:00

right... look at this pic... didnt i tell u i like being a rebel?! four out of 6 boys in s77 and this is as rebel as it gets... actually we can be worse... zat far left... he is my satay tennis captain... suff second from left... is a whole lot of crap who comes up with the satay crap and "i wanna pin you against the wall and hump you dead"... me second from right... is raphael huang song yao... and jamie... WAT THE HELL HE DOING AS A REBEL?look at him man... guai kia! muahahaha.... ronald and caleb (not in this pic) are considered the more guai looking ones in class... so they don really fit into this rebel pic... hahaha... but without any of the six guys... s77 aint s77 :D
-=ruff=-

2004-05-29T03:08:00.000+08:00

His name is edward... hahaa also known as sexy... okie actually we call each other sexy on the court as a motivation and moral booster lah... lol... the best doubles partner i've ever had man... off and on court... he is a nice guy and nice fren... satay ah~
-=ruff=-

2004-05-29T02:58:00.000+08:00

muahahahaa.... i just love being a rebel...
-=ruff=-

2004-05-29T02:50:00.000+08:00

my best buds in the tennis team... now that the season is over... so is tennis for us in sajc... but memories live on dudes! i hate studying... lol...melvin is a chee hong... lenard... bloody tua(big) arms... its as big as popeye... no kid man... and edward the skater haha

2004-05-29T02:48:00.000+08:00

vnought... THe BesT bAnd In sAJC! muahaha.. we rock... and i miss jamming...

2004-05-04T08:50:00.000+08:00

once again... im all alone... i can really get used to this feeling man... it feels rather nice... though many times how i wish she would just be here with me... but hey! im ponning lessons... and i cant expect her to do the same cos she wants to study... haiz... life really sucks... it kinda feels like this is my life's one last cry... before i go to sleep at nite... oh well... does it make sense? i don think so lah.... hahaha muahahhaa... i think im going bonkers. somehow... somehow.... deep down i know i still love her as much and as deep... but i don feeel it coming from her anymore... i don know... her sms aint warm... u get wat i mean? i guess i tot being this way as in the "unofficial" thing would be the best solution... however im starting to think otherwise... i think for her... she is starting to lose it for me man... as much as i do not want it to happen... it is happening right before my very eyes... she is free to flirt and do all that she wants.... i'll just still be here watching at her and hopes that she only flirts with me... fuck... maybe i should just let her go.. this is not going to get anywhere....

so much for wanting pte time with her... i won even dare to request from her lah... i mean even if i do... then wheres the meaning in it... if she doesnt wanna spend ant pte time with me so be it... why should i request for it and look like a fool... it doesnt carry the same meaning anymore when u have to request for something... don u agree? isimply cannot hold on forever without her showing me the support... okie maybe once in a while she will come and show some support... but i just don seem to be able to feel it... maybe its becos im being numb alr... life really sucks... yah she cares... but somehow i don feel the love from her... maybe cos im afraid to show that im losing it... i start to become cold towards her... im sorry man... but how can i handle it? a guy with one of the biggest ego in class... all of a sudden ytd i felt that my last and greatest support in life has just fallen on me too... life has nothing worth... i was rude to my teacher and i feel absolutely terribly about it... life frankly sucks to the core man.... how i wish at home.... those people will just nag and not scold... there is a difference man... and my patience and confidence is running dry.... seriously running dry.... one day... my angel might just fly out of my reach... i foresee that day coming alr... i really do... im sure she is enjoying her freedom now... one day... i just might not become successful in my studies regardless of all the tuition im about to start with... one day... i might just lose my family too... HANG ON! thats more than half done alr... one day i might just lose my life like that... without a word of goodbye... that can happen... as long as i make one wrong move.... how many of you out there really understands? i think none.... all the sacrifices i've made... i basically wrecked my family for this and i aint gonna give up now... thats my greatest sacrifice... to make it sound more like lord of the ring... for this... i have now laid down my life for it.. as in my life is at stake man... do u know that? everyone thinks my mum is joking but i know she isnt ... nobody will know my mum better than i do man,.... serious... sometimes i just wanna feel worth.... i need the space i need the time.. at home i cant relax thats why in school i find all the time i can to try and relax before i go home to the battlefield again... well imagine this... i was hvaing dinner in the kitchen while my granny was showering at the back... and every 5 minutes... she will have something to scold me about! EVEN WHEN SHE IS IN THE SHOWER! SHE SCOLDS ME! WTF RITE?! no.. she wasnt nagging she was scolding!!! i bet my neighbours think im a gone case now also lah... that doesnt matter to me...

2004-04-27T18:12:00.000+08:00

9 mths ago... i made krys my angel... but today i pulled her back down to earth. so does that make me the devil? maybe thats how she might think i am.... or maybe some other people who don really understand me will see me as that... the devil! i aint much of samaritan, i am just another boy doing his college...fell in love with this girl who quickly became the angel of my heart. today, even though i don have her in my arms anymore... she still is my angel... im fighting... im fighting for the day to free myself for everything and draw her back to me where she can be safe and happiness is all that surrounds her.

i don think people around me really understand wat this baby really means to me. i myself have no idea... but i know without her in my life... things arent the same anymore... simply a few days and i'm feeling the full blow effect of the whole matter. i hope you are doing alright krystyn.., i really hope so... thats my purpose for letting u go... so that u will be alrite... and freed from all the harm that you might get if my mum finds out again... only this way do we have a better future... i don wanna risk our future anymore... this is the best way... i've tot long and hard... this is the best way...

7 mths. it sure is a long time... A HELL OF A LONG TIME... but during this time... no one is going to stop me... im going to strive for the best grades i can ever get... this should please my mum and she'll set me free after my exams... i can then go right up to your doorstep and tell you "i love you"... okie so maybe some of u out there might think that im just living in a fairy tale.. trying to imitate some taiwan f4 love story... but NO I AM NOT... ladies and gentlemen... whoever out there... mummy and krys mum... i'll work hard... and my love will wait for her... i hope hers will too... haiz...

this whole incident... frankly i've nv blamed anyone except myself for it. it is my fault for being dishonest from the very start and neglect my studies! if only i have been more honest with my mother... im sure today the situation would not be like that. how i wish... just let me live my last 9 mths again... and i'll make it a better one... but its all too late... there is no use thinking about wat i should have done... instead... i should be thinking about wat i have to do! since sat... the day that i was the bastard who made the fucking decision to brk up with krystyn... ever since that day... life has not been really much of a laughter... after brking my decision to her... i know she was crying in front of her monitor... i know i broke her heart... i know i just tore a flesh right out of her heart... i understand so totally... becos i felt that way too that nite... im sorry krys... everytime i did something wrong... i always offer my apologies... but sometimes u will say sorry is no use cos the damage is alr done... u r rite... im sorry... but i won say it anymore... i will prove it... haiz...

that nite was just tough... i could not get to sleep... i was lying in bed with the piggy and doggy she gave me... i could not sleep... i wanted to sleep... but my eyes were wide open... thinking of all that we had gone thru... everything that we have fought for... all that we have built over the months... the trust... the love... the dream... and our future... all those memories.. piled inside my head... they seem to be like the reminder on my phone... ringing and ringing all over again... i couldnt sleep... all i could do was think.... and duh~ guys are normal human beings too... my tears just flowed... i could not take the pain... it sucks... i can take any physical pain... but the emotional pain really rocks my heart... i hugged both the soft toys... so tight... trying to stop crying but i couldnt... the next thing i knew it... it was sunday morning... did i cry myself to sleep? i knew i had some dreams about her.... but dreams being dreams... they come and go! damn it all man!

have u ever experienced this? think about it. u wake up one morning... u know that its sunny out there alr... u wanna sleep somemore but u cant... your mind is in a blank... and suddenly... u feel panic... u feel fear... u feel anxiety... u feel lost.. lost lost lost... u don know wat u are really feeling becos your mind is a blank.... at the same time its in a mess.... oh fuck wat the hell am i saying? but basically its just the kinda feeling where u have so much on your mind thats really pounding u in your head... but u are aware of the fact that someone... that special someone... that someone who u always depend on for a cheerful smile to make brighten up your day... that someone who has grown to become part of you .... is suddenly torn away from you... i know there are people out there who have probably felt or is feeling the same way as me... she is wat most of wat your fucking life is all about... loving her.... taking her love... loving each other.... enjoying the present and dreaming of the future... the realisation was too great for me to handle... the aircon was cold... i know its cold... its always cold in the morning... if not the window would not be foggy.... or misty or WATEVA LA K? i know it was cold...but i wasnt.... i was almost breaking out into perspiration... i was really scared... i have to reshuffle my life... readjust... and adapt to my life... without krystyn... i jumped out of bed... i hated that helpless feeling... so totally...

i sat at my table...and saw my notebook on the table... i never had a notebook for school except the school diary... but this year... i did not buy one... so krys brought me to popular and ask me to choose one... that darling was going to buy me one so that i won have to keep neglecting my hmwk cos i always plainly forget them... so great huh? its really cool cos i like the big qn mark on both sides of the cover... life is one big qn mark now... those memories just flooded back... she was engrossed in buying the notebook and new pens for me that she left her newly bought earrings and clips back at the stationary section... it was not only we were about to watch the movie at cine that my poor darling realised it... muahaha so cute :( i held her in my hand walked quickly back to orchard mrt popular... i was sure it was at the stationary section and hoping that it would still be there if not she will be disappointed i know... in that bag was a little doggy keychain she bought for me too... its very cute... WE FOUND IT! hahaha... we found it... she was happy...she quickly took out the doggy and put it in my bag so that i won forget to take it from her... such a lovable girl huh? over the months... she kept decorating my book.. and even wrote a lovely note in there... on the last page of the book she made a small little compartment there so that i can slot my little notes and all in there... i put her baby pic... a postcard from her and our neoprint in there... god damn it... shit the whole world man... sunday morning... i just didnt feel like the man i was growing up to be.. i didnt feel like half the guy i felt like i was... i sat there and cried... my heart ached till the fucking... okie fucking something... i don know... but it was SHIT! i've i had a million... god i'll pay u the million so that you'll let me skip this ordeal! i had to stop i knew i had to stop... u know why? COS MY MATHS TUITION TEACHER WAS ARRIVING IN 30 MINS...in my hi-fi.. here without you was playing... thats my fav song.. and i used to sing it a lot... but o well... everything in my life is linked to her.... somehow in a way or another it is linked to her... those words of here without you... pierced my heart word by word... verse by verse... and chorus to bridge...

my tuition teacher arrived and duh!!! i can concentrate ah.... i could ah.. i heard all of wat he said man ... haiz... i bet he knew i was far away from him... TOO BAD! luckily that day my mum was too hurt and fuming to take us out for the usual sunday family outing... i was relieved... i stayed at home and tried to mug... i did my maths... i did chem... but while i did all these... my mind was worrying about her... about how krystyn u are coping... and the usualy worries and sadness... haiz... it was hard... that nite my mum came back.... haiz wat happened... lets not talk about it lah... after she left to her bf's place... i sat infront of the com... hoping krystyn u would come online... i waited and waited... i waited till 2am... but u didnt show up... i went to sleep... hugging doggy and piggy again... im doing that everynite now... if i had known i was not going to have her to hug today... i would have gave her hugs every brk i had... after every lesson.... or everytime i wanted to but hesitated becos my frens were around... :( such a fool... before i slept... i wanted to give her a call and find out how she was doing... then i rmb... SHE HAS A HOCKEY MATCH THE NEXT DAY! right! OF COS SHE WOULD BE ASLEEP BY 2AM! FUCKING GIVE ME SOME BRAINS...

in school on monday....which was ytd... it was just the i see her but i don dare talk to her... becos i was afraid those feelings would really stir and i did not want to cry infront of my frens... do i sound sissy? maybe a little.... BUT IM SORRY MAN.... I LOST THE GAL I LOVE MOST... IM TRYING TO BE AS STRONG AS I CAN BE ALR ALRITE? GIVE ME A BRK!she was okie... still joking and laughing with lanxi and all... but who knows wat she was really feeling deep down rite? i was just stoned.... during lectures and lessons... i was just stoned... totally... i wanted to sleep... i wanted badly to get away from school... i wanted to take green slip... but arghhh forget it... she left at 12 for her hockey tournament.... she looks great in her team sajc t shirt... i felt really proud of her... cos finally her dream of having her own team sajc t shirt... finally... it came true... well done krystyn... i just kept thinking about her... and during lessons... it was quite bad cos many times i just felt like crying... no joke.. i really felt like it... im sitting behind her in class somemore.. so wat do you think huh?!i had not much money on me... but that doesnt matter... i didnt feel like eating... i just miss her so much... many times i just wanted to walk up to her... and tell her krys... i love you.. lets get back together... we will give our very best... but noooooooooooo... i cannot do that... i don wanna jeopardize her happiness and freedom in her family...as it is.. i have lost all of it.... my family... well .... i can really considered it wreck... i don wanna talk about my family and things with my mum... im just too tired... i don wanna think about it also... but i fear... see!! i fear so many things... im going army next year man... YO DUDE! U GOT THE BALLS TO FIRE RIFLE OR NOT?! knn... i know how it really feels ... in short... its really living hell for me... i don wan her to suffer the same thing as me... i wan for her good... pls be happy krys... back at home... i stoned the whole afternoon... i sang my fav songs over and over again.... falls on me... here without you blah blah blah... that nite... okie... lets skip the part with my mum :) im trying to be a happier boy... ya rite... fool yourself raphael! just keep fooling yourself okie?! then i went online after my mum left again... she told hadi to tell me to meet her in the morning in honeclassroom becos she wanted to talk to me... and had somehting to give me... duh~ of cos i was looking fwd to it lah! but then in the morning... i had to fight for the toilet with my bro and he got in there first lah! wa lau.... and he showered.... wa piangz... took damn hell long of a time man ... i was getting really pissed... grrr... by the time i reached school it was 7.20... and got to the class at 7.25 just in time to catch her walking out of class going to the assembly ground...

the first thing i noticed about her was the ring i bought for her... our promise ring for each other... it was on her finger... as usual... something in me cringed... i was feeling it... haiz... after i put down my back at the table she walked over with the cough mixture... and another ring... heck wat its for... but the cough mixture... she wants me to take it home and take it... at that moment... i felt like taking her in my arms... hug her and say thank you... tell her again that i love her... but i didnt.. i didnt dare... maybe i can blame it on the little time we had to get to the assembly ground... haiz.. throughout the day... we hardly talked... she assured me a few times though... she would touched me nicely on my back like she used to... and pat my on my hand... she even drew nice smileys on my book... i was happy... but of cos... i didnt know wat to do also... god i know i need it... i need her hug and touch i wan it! her gestures were all very loving... but i know she was afraid to get closer... she was afraid... and so was i... she walked past me many times in class... i wanted to rub her back with my hand and assure her that i still love her too... but i didnt dare... i was afraid... afriad that i won be able to control myself and take her back into my life... which could lead her to more trouble... at least for now... i know i cannot take her becos i would cause her more trouble... i only want more happiness for her...

after school she wanted to send me home so that we could talk... u see i have to go home straight after school and report to my mum... well... i refsued her offer... it was too dangerous.. i don know who has been "spying" on us in school and all.. i did not wanna sick more trouble... but i don think she understood me... she just smiled nicely and walked away and went to the toilet with mira... wow... u know wat that means rite? she was disappointed but she did not wan me to feel or see it... life is just like a toilet bowl... i can look nice and smell nice... but when shit comes along... thats the end of the story.... haiz... after i reached home... i sent krys a few online sms... letting her know that i wanna talk to her too... and i wan her to take care of herself... pls do take care krys... when im not with u by your side all the time.. pls do take care my baby...

im tired... im tired of everything... im tired of acting strong... im tired of looking ahppy in school.... im tired of trying to pour my sorrows out on this blog hoping for some relief... but it aint helping... im just tired... i don know how krys is doing... i hope she is coping fine... this is not how i want my life to be... i have so many dreams an aspirations.... for myself... and for the both of us... haiz.... anyone that endures the badwill now... will survive to see the goodwill... i will wait krys... i will.... i will endure this period of time... and hope to see light again at the end of the junction to start a fresh new one with u... if there is anything i can do... haiz.... i hope i'll see some signs from u... i hope to continue to be your pillar krystyn.... i hope to cont to give u support and love... i may be asking too much from you.... haiz... but i always ask myself and sometimes i hope to get an ans from you... will u wait for me too? @v@